Friday, July 8, 2011


Yesterday I had my first appointment with my midwife. She's so awesome. Pretend that your mom (or someone who takes care of you all the time and that you really like and love) is who is in charge of your prenatal care. She's always got my back. Besides a Dr. is never going to ask your husband how your mood has Ok, sorry for the tangent. I meant to talk about how my blood pressure is great and my pee is also perfect. Also the peanut is actually about the size of a large peanut right now. Amazing.
    But also, this appointment was the first step of me connecting to this pregnancy. I drug my feet for a while not wanting to sit down and talk being pregnant. Not wanting to acknowledge that this is another baby whom I am responsible for caring for. I've been pretty laissez-faire about my nutrition and activity so far. I've not actively chosen pregnancy things.... even possibly going so far as to eat and do those things which may not be for the absolute best. (Not that I've been doing anything dangerous.... Nolan won't let me.) I think about how I did everything right with Asher, but things still went sour. So now part of me says why even try to be healthy and exercise and take your vitamins?? What point is there?? But I know these things need to be done. And having this appointment encouraged me to slowly connect to this baby as a separate, new, wonderful person. Deserving of as much love and care as I can provide no matter what the outcome. I still feel scared. Its so frightening to see that I may have to know such deep pain again. I wonder if it might break me. But I will not let fear strip me of the joy I can have while growing another child. I've said that I want to start memorizing scripture about fear and God's unyielding provision for his children; but thus far I have yet to do it. I WILL do it! I WILL! Because I know that only Christ can drive out fear. And here is the first passage I want to memorize.

Joshua 1:1-9

King James Version (KJV)

Joshua 1

 1Now after the death of Moses the servant of the LORD it came to pass, that the LORD spake unto Joshua the son of Nun, Moses' minister, saying,
 2Moses my servant is dead; now therefore arise, go over this Jordan, thou, and all this people, unto the land which I do give to them, even to the children of Israel.
 3Every place that the sole of your foot shall tread upon, that have I given unto you, as I said unto Moses.
 4From the wilderness and this Lebanon even unto the great river, the river Euphrates, all the land of the Hittites, and unto the great sea toward the going down of the sun, shall be your coast.
 5There shall not any man be able to stand before thee all the days of thy life: as I was with Moses, so I will be with thee: I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.
 6Be strong and of a good courage: for unto this people shalt thou divide for an inheritance the land, which I sware unto their fathers to give them.
 7Only be thou strong and very courageous, that thou mayest observe to do according to all the law, which Moses my servant commanded thee: turn not from it to the right hand or to the left, that thou mayest prosper withersoever thou goest.
 8This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success.
 9Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.

After the death of his friend and leader God calls on Joshua to step up. He wants Joshua to lead the people into Cannon, the land flowing with milk and honey. Look at all the promises God makes to him. And at the end God says "be not afraid.... for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest."

This is not a promise only extended to Joshua, but also to me. If God be for us who can stand against us?? Who can separate us from His mighty hand................???

So, please, post your favorite fear passages. I can use the encouragement.