Friday, April 29, 2011

Mother's Day

I think I need to start out by talking about Easter. The very first Easter that is. The Bible says that Mary (the mother of Jesus) and Mary Magdalene went early to Jesus' tomb on the morning of the third day after Jesus was killed. Early. Thats what it says. I've never given it a second thought until this Easter. I know why they went early. Mary - his mom - cried herself to sleep. Curled in a ball in bed, wondering how all this could have happened; finally falling, exhausted, into sleep, but waking every hour or so. Eventually she gave up on sleep and started gathering up spices and incense to take with her to the tomb. She woke Mary Magdalene who wasn't sleeping well either, and asked her friend to please come with her because she didn't want to go alone. Then Mary - mom - broke down into tears and the other Mary held and cried with her till that episode ended. Both heartbroken. They finished getting ready and started out the door. They both swallowed hard as they rounded the curve toward the burial tombs but determinedly kept walking. Each sniffling and wiping tears with their hankies. As they drew near they could see the stone had been rolled away from the tomb. Surely not they thought. Surely no one would dare disturb this tomb. But..... wait! They realized, with shock and horror, the stone really has been rolled away. Then they started to run. Running toward that tomb wondering what could be going on. Stumbling into the cave-like tomb, out of breath, they frantically looked around searching for Jesus' body. But it was no where to be found. Mary - mom - spun around looking out of the tomb, angry, hoping to spot the thieves. She was ready to lung at them. Kick them, bite them, fight until they left his mangled, injured body and left. How dare they!? He's already dead, what more could they want!? But she saw nothing and no one. Spinning around again to stare at the spot where he had been lain, an amazing sight filled her eyes. Two angles, one at each end of the sepulcher. They asked her why she was looking for the living among the dead. He whom thou seekest is alive!

(The reason the Bible doesn't include all this is because it was written by a man. This is not a bad thing, men just think and write differently than women.)

-- At least that is how I imagine it...... If I were ever to come upon Asher's grave and see someone had dug up his grave and took him out of the casket I would hunt them down like a wild animal. And then to be told that her Son was alive.... why, I'm sure she almost didn't believe it.

This Easter I think it finally hit home that my son, also, is alive. I won't have the pleasure of knowing him here on Earth, but I will go to him one day. I will stand in the presence of Jesus with my son. What a thought. How my heart sings when I remember God's promise of eternal life.

And yet, event thought I believe it, today was hard. Today I thought about Mother's Day (May 8th). Last year on Mother's Day was the first time I felt Asher move. 4am Mother's Day morning. I was hungry, so I got up to eat. I was 14wks along and I felt a strong flutter, and then another. Today I thought about how I will not sit in church on Mother's Day with both my babies. And I will watch all the other moms...... and I will feel a pang of jealousy because I am still human; and knowing God's promises does not make me less human. And I will remember all the other moms who have children in heaven, and wonder if they, like I, will privately shed a few tears that day.

Parts of this song - esp. the refrain and the end. - resonate deep in me. "Life's like and hourglass glued to the table.... just breathe."

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