"Her."

To believe in a God who loves without discipline and is gratuitous without boundaries is to have a meager understanding of love that becomes a prostitution of it. When we cry out to God to change our circumstances, to take away our pain, He hears us. Yet, He loves us so deeply that he sometimes refuses to heal our wounds and, seeing the bigger picture, is unwilling to give us less of Himself. He has however promised to never, ever leave us. I am not alone in my pain, you are not alone in yours. God will not bring Asher back to me. That is a scar I will forever bare. But through this pain I have drawn closer to Christ. My faith does much more abound. I don't believe that loosing Asher was in any way discipline from God on our family, yet the Bible is clear, death came about because of sin. Death (and disease, and famine..ect) here on earth is the result of man's sin. I don't want to be a part of that. I don't want to contribute to the madness. Being a child of God, I strive for righteousness. It doesn't matter how good I am, until Christ comes back and hurls sin into the pit for all eternity, evil will run rampant. However, I will strive to shine God's light into the darkness, God's love into the despair and hurt of mankind. Sometimes I blow it. Sometimes, I don't.

I was thinking this week about why God chose me. What made him look down from his throne and say, "Her." Then God started showing me the bigger picture. He told me that once, long ago, he looked down and pointed to another woman. A woman who was, by our societies standards, barely a grown woman. He sent an angle down to say "You." And she was called blessed among women. She bore a son. But her son, he was beaten in front of her. He was slaughtered, maimed, mocked, spit on. He was nailed to a wooden cross and left to die. Because of sin. God choose Mary to bare and raise a son, only to watch him mercilessly whipped and murdered. Why her?? If God was pleased with Mary, for the Bible tells me so, why did he pick her?? Because in the big picture God gained more glory this way. Because that was the day that God chose to exact punishment on sin. Through His Holy, blameless, perfect Son came redemption for me. For my sin. For your sin. Because in the big picture its not about Mary, or me, it is about God. And in His story God wants to live with his children (us) forever in paradise. But He had to deal out discipline on evil. He had to punish sin so that I will live. To GOD be the glory.

I love this song, and I think it speaks to some of what I talked about.