Friday, June 17, 2011

The Elephant in the Room

So I guess I'm gonna keep on blogging. It gives me a moment to reflect and put my thoughts down. I've said it before, but when I write the thoughts that float around in my brain settle down onto the paper. They quit whining for attention and let me get on with my day. My dad keeps telling me I should write a book..... but that is a HUGE undertaking. He keeps saying "Just start writing, the story will come." and I keep telling him that I'm in my incubation period - when the ideas begin to bounce around like fat molecules in heavy cream; if shaken for long enough they begin to stick together to form a solid mass. He's not buying what I'm selling. Anyway so its 8:30 in the morning which is about the only quiet time I get to myself lately so I decided to blog. Vera did get up at 7 and crawl into my bed; which happens basically all the time. lol. At dawn's first light she is still sleepy, but wants to see if I'm in bed where I said I'd be. Oh how I love her. When I think of how I love her, I can't breath from the gravity of it. Vera is so strong and tender at the same time, so much wonder wrapped up into a tiny body. I don't think she's yet convinced that I'm going to have another  baby. She knows in her head, but doesn't really understand what the big deal is since last time we told her this it was a bust. From her perspective a new baby means that Mommy's tummy gets so big that there isn't much room left for her on Mommy's lap. Then mommy gets a scared look on her face and goes to the hospital to be sick for some days and then comes home and cries. : /   I can see why she's not really too excited to jump on this bandwagon again. But Nolan and I and the rest of the family are going to try our best to help her be excited. I don't know what I'd do if I had to try to explain AGAIN that another baby died. Well..... I'm not gonna think about that sort of thing. 

As for how the pregnancy is going -- I'm great! Sleepy.... ALL THE TIME. But other than that, I'm great. Mid August I should start to feel a bit better. I just really want to get past the "Is she just fat or is she pregnant???" stage of things. Thats when I start feeling really good. The huger my tummy gets, the more beautiful I feel. I don't generally get horribly uncomfortably until like the last week of my pregnancy. But where the hormones really get me are my emotions. I am a hag. Unless I take my B-complex and inositol vitamins. Then I don't quite reach hag status.... I think. haha. I think I'll give myself another month-ish and I'll start setting up appointments to see my midwife, (Yes, I am still planning a home-birth. No, I do not have any doubts about the abilities of my midwife. No I do not want to hear your opinions on the matter.) I'm so glad we got that elephant out of the room.

Now I've sat her for almost 30mins and it really is time to get the day going. 

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